life

Lost and Wandering

My life is a mess.  Plain and simple.  I feel like I am aimlessly floating through the madness yet somehow I am able to keep it together enough to stay responsible.  Most days it’s all I can do to stay focused yet other days it seems like a lifetime since my world fell apart.  Day by day.  That’s all I can do.  It’s getting easier but that scares me.  I don’t want to forget that the terrible awful really did happen.  I can’t let myself forget.

I miss using this space to let my soul pour out.  As much as Sunshine Day Dreams was my safe place, I hated exposing the people in my life.  That is what made me change to this…..this….thing that I have created.  I’ve become nothing more than a subscription box review person.  How lame have I become?  If I hadn’t felt dull enough, this blog has been the proof in the pudding.  Sure, reviews are fun!  But life is so much more interesting.  At least more real and I prefer real any day.  I just want to be real again.  Safe to be me. 

I am beyond impressed with myself right now.  I was certain that I would come crashing down right along with my life.  Yet here I am.  Stronger than ever despite the chaos.  Deeply craving direction.  Some sort of hope to cling too.  For now I cling to the idea of hope. 

How do you create hopes?  Dreams?  I need meaning in my life.  I need something. 

Can you help me?  Dare I ask?

I’m not looking for things to hope and dream from you but yet ways to get there.  How does one create hopes and dreams?  I’ve been lost for so long I don’t even know where to begin.  I am not career driven or motivated by money.  I’ve long since realized I will never move mountains or save the world.  All I have wanted was a partner and a family.  With each passing day, I have to consider that perhaps those may not be in my cards.  What is left?  How do you make the future seem hopeful and not just sad and bleak?  How do you bring back the sparkle in life? 

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2 thoughts on “Lost and Wandering

  1. The sparkle comes from within. Only you are in charge of your happiness. Let go of the past so you can find the path that leads to your dreams. You have done it before, do it isn't uncharted territory. Fly…….

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  2. Friend, I feel your pain in this post. I don't know what exactly is going on in your life, but you basically have two choices: be optimistic and believe that things will get better and keep pursuing this path, OR get the f**k out of this situation and move on. I know it sounds harsh, but these are simply the two only options.

    I am here if you need to talk. XO

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