life · memories · Thirty-one Days of Searching for Sparkles

Baby Your a Firework

It’s the 4th of July today.  This day holds an explosion of meaning for me.  Today has been the kick off to Birthday Princess Week since 1997.  My birthday, starts with a bang.  Traditionally, this holiday has been exciting and focused on family.  Red, white, and blue decorations and patriotic schnicky schnacky adorning the house and even my mother.  In my hometown, there is a huge carni-fest at the park with food and junky toys and people everywhere.  There is a parade through town and fireworks at the ball field.  We BBQ and shoot off fireworks from Wisconsin in the back yard.  This is how most of my 4th’s were spent growing up.  Later we began the tradition of heading up to the cabin on the lake, meeting up with my mom’s two sister’s and their families.  The decorations would make their way up north and you couldn’t help but know it was July 4th.  A trip into town to watch the Minoquabats and a quick stop at the store to pick up stuff for the grill.  After the BBQ the family piles into the boats and head over to the big lake to watch the fireworks.

I really miss spending today with my family.  It’s one of the harder holidays to miss out on since it has always been about the family. 

After moving to California, my friends introduced me to the 4th of July fest on the Plaza.  For nine years this became my newest tradition.  I love the Arcata 4th of July festival.  Cool booths, live music, hippies, hugs, love, and a tremendously good time.  And of course, spent with family.

I really miss spending today with my friends and that festival.  Sure I could drive north and go since it’s only two hours away but then what?  My friend is working and I don’t really want to go alone…

The last few years have been a total let down.  C isn’t really into doing stuff.  It doesn’t occur to him that we should go and do something fun today.  I totally realize he has work to do but every year is the same.  It’s just sad after so many years of today being special.  The little town I live in isn’t decorated.  There are no gatherings going on, in fact town is kind of dead right now.  There will be fireworks at the golf course but who wants to drive all the way in, alone, just to watch them.  If history repeats itself, C will work all day and into the night and end up hanging out with his friends while I go to bed early.  Even though that is how most of my day’s look, it just sits different when you know there is a holiday going on everywhere else.  Especially one that holds so much meaning to me.

So here I sit, in town, at work, hoping to fill my day with something productive although I’m not really feeling it.  I’ve been kind of sword fighting with depression lately.  I’m prevailing but it’s being kind of persistent.  Too much stress and heartache I guess.  Not to worry though, I just keep focusing on all of the happy because the rest doesn’t matter.  Happy 4th of July friends!  I hope you have a super fun day full of hugs, love, and happiness!

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